Ellen's Story from California

I felt a lump in my breast in August 2004. I had received a mammogram in January of 2004. Both my mother and my sister had found lumps that were not cancerous. I thought, “No problem I'll be the same.”

I had my ultrasound and mammogram followed by my first appointment with the surgeon. I was given an envelope to deliver to the surgeon. I went to all these appointments by myself because I was going to be told "Don't worry it's not cancer."

Instead, the doctor came in an said "It's cancer." I started shaking. I was trying to get pen and paper to write information down. I couldn't hold anything. The doctor told me he was going to do a core biopsy he said you definitely have cancer. If this test comes back negative we'll have to do it under ultrasound. I never had the hope/dread feeling do I or don't I.

So of course I needed to have the ultrasound test done. I chose mastectomy and chemotherapy as my treatment. I am an RN so I had more information to start with. I'm not really the support group kind of person. I found the discussion board at breastcancer.org to be very helpful.

This was a very difficult time because my mom was in a rehab facility due to a broken hip. My mother is a RN as well. She'd had a couple of strokes that affected her speech. I went to the facility to tell her. Needless to say we both wanted desperately to take care of the other.

My mother recovered, but she fell again. She was placed in a skilled nursing home; they were hit hard by the flu, so I couldn't even visit her there. She came home in February and she was doing really well. She had another stroke which took the fight out of her. We were able to keep her home with the help of hospice and my sister (who was in the middle of graduate school).

I still wasn't able to see her because I wasn't feeling very well. I finally couldn't stand to be away another minute. I went and gave my sister some respite (sleep). I laid on the couch by my mom, who at this point was unresponsive to everything but pain. Everyone else went to bed. An hour later was time for her pain medication if she needed it. She got restless and began mumbling. I gave her the medicine but she no longer needed it because she stopped breathing. I called for my sister and she and I held my mom and told her we loved her until after her heart stopped beating.

This happened on the Tuesday before my last chemo treatment. I had my treatment on Friday my sister and her family were with my husband and I. They all got me cards from the gift shop in celebration of this last chemo.

Saturday we had a memorial service for my mom.

I think the hardest part of the experience for both my mom and I was that we couldn't take care of each other at the times we needed it the most. It's been a little over a year since that time. My prognosis is good. I have a new family everywhere there are survivors. I was supported by my family and friends the entire journey. I learned a lot about myself. My view is that I have the same chance as anyone of making through the day. We have a choice to be happy or not. It seems such a waste to not be happy.