Paige's Story

I am not sure where to even begin.

My whole life I have been blessed with my mother's hair and my dad's hairline. My mom has really fine flat hair. It doesn't hold curl or really do anything for that matter. My dad had a serious case of male pattern baldness by the time he was 30. No, I wasn't bald, but that left me with an extremely high forehead and hair that was about as desiccated as a toupee.

When I was a teenager, I would joke around with my best friend Casey. We would put a bandana or a scarf on my head and pull it back just to the ridge of my hair line. Because that line was so high it looked like I was bald. I would turn to Casey and say, "Look Casey, I am a cancer patient."

I know. Pretty insensitive. I was a teeneager, eh? We all did and said stupid things back then. At least mine wasn't directed to anyone specific....right?

Well, I find it ironic and almost comical that over 10 years later and the joke has been backfired. I actually laugh at the satire. Who wouldn't? Hopefully you laugh too as you read that story. If you don't....stop being such a cynic!

I guess I will start when I first noticed the lump when I was about 32 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child. I didn’t think anything of it. You see, when you are pregnant and even as far a long as I was, you attribute everything to the pregnancy. Every ache, pain, fatigue, etc.. I attributed the lump to a clogged milk duct, although, I had never had one before with any of my other pregnancies or nursing lapses. As the weeks went on, I got more and more tired. Again, third pregnancy, I am older (if 28 is considered old/er)….what else could it be? But, then I noticed something. I noticed that, quite plainly, something just wasn’t right. I was starting to worry. Worry that my baby was going to be healthy and safe. I stopped gaining weight. My uterus wasn’t growing and the fatigue became extremely overwhelming. Now, I don’t know if any of those has to do with my diagnosis, but these were just feelings I was experiencing. My OBGYN decided to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby was okay. Happily, everything was…..so why did I still feel this fear that something wasn’t right?

About two weeks after I felt the initial lump, I was sitting down for the evening, after the kids had been put to bed, and noticed that the lump was slightly larger. This concerned me so I mentioned it this time to my husband. He felt it and agreed that is was still probably a clogged milk duct. I reminded myself to ask my doc about it next time I went in. Did I remember? Nope!

I didn't remember to ask my doctor for several weeks until I noticed that I started to have a bloody discharge from my nipple. Finally, at 36 weeks pregnant I interrogated my doctor. He felt the lump and decided to sent me to a general surgeon to be safe, even though he felt like it might be a clogged milk duct as well.

I made the Doctor apointment with Karen Tormey on Tuesday, March 25. I explained everything to the doc and expected her to agree that is was just a clogged milk duct. She did, but, she wanted to bring her ultrasound machine in to confirm. A few minutes later she came in with the machine. She finally concluded that it was a little abnormal and she needed to perform a few more tasks to come to a conclusion. She wanted to see if she could extract some milk through a needle to confirm this belief of a clogged milk duct. She informed me that she was first going to use a “smaller” needle and then if that didn’t work, she would use a larger one. The “smaller” needle was not small. I hate needles. I can tolerate them when I am pregnant with all the blood tests and everything but I usually just don’t watch. This supposedly smaller needle was, now I might be exaggerating but I swear to be true, about 1 ½” to 2” in just the needle length.

I felt the pinch and winced. Nothing came out. Crap! Now I had to see the larger needle. This time she said she would numb me a bit so I didn’t feel the pain. By this time the anxiety started to set. She came back in with the nurse, a tray, some equipment and anesthetics. She proceeded to take 3 or 4 (I can't really remember) specimen from the larger lump and 1 from the smaller one. She informed me that results would be back from pathology in about 4 days. She told me it could be one of two things. Either a lactating adenoma, a benign tumor which pregnant women occasionally get and eventually disappears or it could be cancer. But I knew that it was going to be the first mentioned. How could it not be?

I picked up my son from the waiting room and went on my way. Honestly? I didn’t think anything of it. The following Thursday started off pretty normal.

At 11:30 a.m. I got the phone call. It was Dr. Tormey. She asked how I was recovering from the needles. I told her a little bruised and tender but that was okay. She immediately got to the point.

Cancer.

Breast Cancer.

She told me that she had called my OBGYN and informed him. They would collectively decide what plan of action to take including the birth of my unborn child. From there, everything kind of happened in a whirl wind. Over the course of the next week and half I would undergo 2 surgeries, the birth of my baby, and my first chemo treatment.

The tumor measured about 5 centimeters. The following surgery on Monday was to test my lymph nodes. The removed 2 and one tested positive so they removed 10 more and about half tested positive. Not too bad. They kept me overnight in the hospital. They thought the anesthetics would induce labor, which they started to but then it stopped. My doc decided to keep me in there anyway and induce me the next morning. At 12:56 p.m. on April 1, I had a beautiful baby boy. Ethan Mac weighed 7 lbs. 2 oz. and was 18 and a half inches long. Not bad for 2 weeks early!

On thursday I had a PET Scan which showed that there was no distant metastisis but that the cancer had spread a little to underneath my arm.With tumor size, lymph nodes, and PET Scan this classified the cancer as a Stage III. Not too bad, in my opinion.

I had Port put in on Friday April 11 and they wheeled me down to the oncologist for my first poison injection. I have now had 4 chemo treatments. I go in for my 5th treatment in the morning. I have actually had the last 5 weeks chemo free because I had a mastectomy on June 9. I am lopsided, bald and trying to maintain motherhood. When people ask me if I am tired, I say, "Of course! But it is hard to distinguish between what is from the chemo and what is from being a mom of a 5 year old, a 3 year old and a newborn baby."

My routine day is fighting cancer to ensure that I can raise my children, spending time with my children and catching up on my sleep when the baby sleeps. I still have 4 treatments of chemo and 5-6 weeks of radiation after that. Because my estrogen and progesterone tested positive I am having a hysterectomy on July 14th. I will have my other breast removed as soon as I am completely cancer and treatment free.

My biggest worry in life is that I wouldn't be able to raise my children. The challenge I have had is not letting myself have a pity party or wallow in my grief. If I get down about it then it has negative effects on my children. I want them to see that any challenge in life can be overcome with the right attitude. I still have my moments but I try to keep those between me and my husband. Night times are our times to cry and cuddle. We share our fears and hopes. We joke of my lopsided chest and and mourn the loss of my breasts.

I have noticed my stress levels with kids has dropped. Now, when my 3 year old asks me to play catch with him and I am trying to get things done, rather than putting it off or saying, "not now!" I will actually stop what I am doing and focus my attention on him.

I just hope that no matter what challenge people are going through in life, they realize that having the right attitude is everything in overcoming it. Even if it is fatal, don't take anything for granted. Love your children unconditionally and let everyone know how special and unique they really are. This life is a precious gift and we are what we make of it!

Thank for this wonderful opportunity. You guys are awesome for doing this!