Garilynn's Story

At 43, in May of this year,I obtained my masters degree in Clinical Psychology. I intend to get my doctorate within another two years. I am not one of those people who went back to school, I have been in school since I was twenty and I have been struggling ever since. The reason I am writing about my education is because if it were not such a dream of mine to help others, I would have given up this exhausting dream long ago. Whatever it is inside of me that has kept me ticking away at the educational process, has now also served to tackle yet another obstacle. I am a fortunate one though, for my prognosis is a good one and when all is done, that is all that this current situation will be.

I was called back for a second mammogram in April and I have to tell you that it was really, really devastating to me. I have large, dense, lumpy breast and have been having regular mammograms since I was about 35. I never, ever imagined however that I would be called back for a second mammogram, let alone ever be told that I have breast cancer. I couldn't have breast cancer, I didn't have the time. I mean, I was in the middle of writing my thesis, I was trying to finish my quarter and I was in the process of ending a diagnostic practicum at a hospital where patients were counting on me to be there. Also, summer was my time to make money so that I could keep going to school. Not only that but I LOVED MY BREASTS!! I was born with some genetic defects that left me with fangs for teeth until some kind dentist donated (we were so poor back then!) his time to cap them for me at age 10. I have frizzy hair and bad skin. I have had to have a multitude of surgeries over the years and just when I thought I was finally feeling better......boom! Now, the one thing I really, really liked about myself was about to be scarred. Why me?

How about it? Can you believe that in that last paragraph I didn't once mention that I couldn't have breast cancer because of what it meant to me physically? Well, I thought about that about 5 days after the biopsy came back positive for Ductal Carcinoma In Situ in my left breast. I had a total melt down at around that fifth day. I had been told that I wasn't going to be able to graduate if all of my classes hadn't been completed by the following Monday and I knew there was no way, I had just had the surgical excision and I was in a tremendous amount of pain. When I called to try to get this situation resolved via the phone, I began to cry. I wasn't even sad, I was angry, I was frustrated and incredibly discouraged. It was in that phone conversation that I finally let myself falter and I said the following three words: I HAVE CANCER.

My school issue was resolved and I graduated in between surgeries. I had my lumpectomy May 30th and just had my first radiation treatment this morning. I will have about 7 weeks of treatment all together. I follow that with 5 years of tomoxifen. More than likely, I will have some sort of reconstruction in the interim. I am a very, very fortunate girl-there can be no doubt about that as I have a excellent chance of being cancer free from here on out. The difference between myself and someone else who has not had such a promising prognosis is that my cancer was caught so very early. I have spoken to many women who say that they do not want to go to get a mammogram because they are afraid to hear the outcome or they might say that they don't think they need one every year. I hate to think about how differently my prognosis might have been if I had skipped this year, just one year.

As I mentioned earlier, today was my first treatment and I am feeling pretty good, a little sore and tired but alright. I will have my treatments in the morning, I clean houses on somedays and work in a homeless shelter on others. After work, I go to work doing odds. The week of my excisional biopsy, my fiance' lost his job so we told everyone we knew that we were both looking for work and we have been "fortunate" to have landed it. We have been staining decks, trimming bushes and pretty much what ever else anyone has asked of us-we just do whatever it takes as we are determined to keep it all going. By the end of the day, I am wiped out but I always wake up, ready to start a new.

Thus far, my greatest challenge has been juggling everything. The appointments alone can overwhelm you and I think the changes in my body are starting to wear on me a bit but I have nothing really that challenging. One of my good friends clipped the article out of the news paper for me. She is a breast cancer survivor and has been my greatest asset throughout this process. She is a survivor but she had both a mastecomy and a lumpectomy with chemotherapy rather than radiation. This is going to sound goofy but the thing she did at the very beginning was to show me the breast that had the lumpectomy. The scar was barely visible and the breast looked pretty normal without any reconstruction. To see that before my lumpectomy really reduced my anxiety. I knew she was a breast cancer survivor but I had never talked to her about her own story. I have to say that I find it real interesting how we are not usually genuinely interested in something until it affects us personally. I also have to say however, that knowing her and how normal she was (so healthy, phsycially fit) after the whole ordeal really helped me the most. I guess I really worried about being able to carry on with my life as I wanted to and seeing that it was possible was priceless. This entire situation has really given a tremendous amount of insight, not only into how breast cancer (or any cancer, I imagine) affects the cancer patient but what it means for the people who are trying to be supportive of the person dealing with cancer. In my professional life, this insight has given me another way in which I can relate to others who are suffering.

I am telling this story just because it is my story. I realize that there is the possiblity for some financial assistance for the best story but I didn't write it for that. I certainly hope that the money goes to someone who really is in need. I have health insurance and although it will not cover all of my expenses, I certainly will not have the financial burden that some others might have. I truly can't imagine how much worse I would feel if I had to face what I did without insurance. I was standing in line at my surgeons office. I was behind a woman who didn't have insurance and I have to say that I was really ashamed of how the receptionist treated her. I am sure it was enough that the young woman might be facing breast cancer, not to have to be humiliated on top of it, ya know? How awful.

I am a pretty busy person. I will be for some time to come but I would be willing to speak about breast cancer to anyone, anywhere and without any monetary compensation. I am working towards my chosen profession because I believe in the power of verbal communication and that one person can make a difference. I have been surrounded by a ton of supportive people and the services that are available to me are wonderful but not everyone has these things and I believe that without them, this would have been so much worse. I am incredibly lucky and I would like to spread my good fortune by extending my hand and my heart to those who have not been so fortunate.