My story begins not when I found out I had cancer, but several years before.I am 45 years old, but when I was about 27 years old, my mom, age 45 at the time, was diagnosed with breast cancer and needed to have a radical mastectomy.
She went through all the chemo, radiation, and other surgeries that one goes through and had a long recovery, but today she is alive and doing well. Because of her cancer, the doctor told me that I should take every precaution to check myself and do whatever is necessary to catch the first signs of any cancer. In other words, “I’m at high risk so watch myself.” I wanted to just shrug it off. I never get sick. I’ll be okay. But, in the back of my mind I knew I needed to be careful.
Flash forward to age 33. It was the summer of 1995, and I was doing my monthly exam when I felt a tiny lump in my right breast. I immediately got into my doctor. He checked it and even had me get a mammogram, but nothing was conclusive. He told me to check back in a month. I came back and I could tell that it had changed. It was still small however.
My doctor decided I’d better see a specialist and have it removed just to be safe. ( months later my doctor told me that he was just about to have me leave and check back ever so many months since I was so young but he had a strong feeling that I needed it taken out as soon as possible ***Thank you Dr. Stacy***)
It’s interesting that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, and it is the same month I had my surgery and received the news. I still have the page marked in my journal where I wrote about it. Here is the excerpt from that day.
Oct. 11, 1995
“My surgery went well. I was in and out in under two hours. I feel as if I have a very sore muscle under my right arm. I went to see Dr. Peterson at 2:00 p.m. He removed the bandage to check for swelling and drainage. Then he gave me the news- the lump was CANCER.
I felt as if a hot flash went over my entire body. I tried to listen intently as he explained things to me and what would happen next. He said I was young and I caught it early so it is treatable and that I should be fine. The lump was less that a centimeter in size. I was trying very hard not to cry. He said he was sorry to have to give me such news and I smiled and said I’d be okay. It wasn’t until I got to the car that I broke into tears.
I drove straight to Todd (my husband’s) work which wasn’t far away. I could hardly talk when I told him. He hugged me and told me everything would be okay. I then drove home and suddenly it was if my whole life was flashing before me. I began to worry about my four children ( ages 11, 9,6,5 at the time) I found myself saying I just don’t have time for something like this to happen in my life. I have a family and home to take care of. I have responsibilities with my church and I help at my children’s school. How could this be happening to me?”
Well, despite how busy our lives are, trials do happen. This was mine. I could either deal with it the best I knew how, or I could worry myself to death over it. For the next nine months I would go through chemo and radiation treatments. My treatments would be on the “milder side” as one nurse put it because I had caught it early. My lymph nodes were clear, my estrogen receptors were negative. I just have a strong family history of breast cancer. (my mother, two great aunts, and my grandmother who found hers after me)
On Dec 4, 1995 I had my first shot of chemotherapy. I was so nervous and scared, mostly of the unknown. It ended up being a little tiny needle hooked to a syringe with three different medications in it. It felt cold going in, and I began to feel a bit light headed, but when it was over I felt fine. About midday the nausea started to hit. The first few days weren’t too bad and I thought-I can do this.
Then about three days later I felt so sick and extremely tired that I couldn’t take it. I was crying, and I just wanted to stop the whole treatment and take my chances. I felt as if I was in the worst nightmare of my life. I was restless and couldn’t stop worrying about all the things I needed to do and didn’t have the energy to do.
It was at one of my next chemo appointments that I overheard another patient say something that has stuck with me ever since. She had a more severe form of cancer. Her hair was gone, she had an I V and yet when her friend asked her how she was doing she just smiled and said, “You know, we all have trials in our life, but I know that every trial we have is 10% problem and 90% attitude.” That was it, by changing my attitude I knew I could get through this.
I’d always been a pretty positive person but I’d never had such hard trial to deal with. From then on I did the best I could. Family and friends came in periodically to help with housework, meals and the kids and this was okay. We need to let others serve us from time to time.
My youngest son (now 17) still remembers how I would pick him up from preschool and then go buy him a Happy Meal. We would then come home and I would rest on my bed and he would sit on the floor next to me and watch Barney and Arthur. My 11 year old daughter at the time learned to cook pancakes and Ramen a lot to help me out. I lost a lot of my hair (not totally but quite a bit). I was anxious and moody at times. But I got through it!!
As time went on I slowly got my strength back. My hair grew back thicker, darker, and curlier. Every time I have a bad hair day I’m thankful that I have hair.
Today I continue to have my yearly checkups and mammograms. I even take part in the High Risk Breast Cancer Clinic at the Huntsman Cancer Center in Salt Lake City Utah. I’m thankful each day that I’m watching my family grow and succeed. I have, two sweet little grandchildren and I have a wonderful job at For Every Scrapbook (a division of For Every Body).
If there was ever one thing that caused me to be an avid scrap booker it’s having cancer. I remember looking at my kids’ baby pictures one day while going though treatments and saying to myself “if anything were to happen to me, no one would know what to do with all these pictures, nor would they know the stories behind them.” That is where my new journey began. I guess you could call me the “family historian”.
I know that I wouldn’t be where I am today without the love of family, friends and so much more. I am grateful each day for all I have. When it comes to cancer they say “Hope is the Cure”-- in my book I say “Attitude is the Cure”.
American Fork, Utah
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