Cancer. It’s a scary word. “I have cancer” are even scarier words. At the age of 40, I went for a routine mammogram, soon after I was contacted by my doctor. Now when the doctor calls you personally, it’s serious. I was told there were some micro calcifications detected and I would need a biopsy and also told that only 20 % of these are malignant.I underwent the biopsy, but the calcifications were so small they were breaking apart before they could get them into the Petri dish. In order to get a more definite diagnosis I was scheduled for another more invasive biopsy. This biopsy showed there were cancer cells in the duct better known as DCIS, Ductal Carcinoma InSitu.
Ductal what? Carcinoma…..I knew that to mean cancer. After a brief description from the doctor I went to the internet to find out all I could about this diagnosis. After much prayer and research I chose to have a lumpectomy followed by six ½ weeks of radiation and five years of the drug Tamoxifen.
I didn’t have time to be sick. I have a son, Kyle, who at the time was 11 years old. Kyle has Cerebral Palsy from birth and is in a wheelchair. He is dependent on others for his every need. My husband had just had a hernia repair the day I got the diagnosis. He had actually insisted on me calling the doctors office to get the results instead of waiting for my return appointment the next week. He was so sure the report would be good.
When I got off the phone with the doctor and told him the news he was so drugged from the pain medication for his surgery that he said nothing and just went to sleep. I sat in the floor and cried feeling very much alone when the peace of God just came over me and I thought “I have cancer, I can not do anything at this point to change that” so I went into what I call survivor mode. During this time my husband was not able to help with Kyle very much. We do not have family near by, so I felt an urgency to return to as “normal” a life as I could.
My faith in God gave me the strength to endure what I went through with cancer. I had tried to take care of myself before the diagnosis with diet and regular exercise and I honestly believe it helped me to recover as quickly as I did. I returned to work at my part time job a week after the surgery and walked to the hospital across the street every day for the radiation treatments.
I didn’t look “sick” and didn’t feel “sick”, but I had a disease in my body that had to be killed, this ugly scar where a part of my right breast used to be and a fear of the cancer returning that I had to deal with.
The hospital where I had the radiation treatments has a tradition that after your last treatment you get to ring a giant ships bell that can be heard all over that floor of the hospital. When we would hear the bell we knew somebody had finished their treatments and everybody would stop and clap and cheer. That bell sits on the counter at the end of the nurses’ station where I could see it every day I came in. I could not wait to ring that bell!
The last day I was able to take my son with me, along with some of my coworkers, and I let Kyle help me ring that bell as loud as we could. It was awesome!
That part of the diagnosis was over, now on to fear of a recurrence. It seemed that every time I turned around somebody was telling me about someone they knew whose cancer had “come back”. Every time I heard that I was struck by fear, “what if it comes back”, “what if it is worse next time”, “I can’t die, my child needs me.” One day while listening to the radio I heard the Bible verse of the day “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and a sound mind.” I decided then I would claim that verse over my life and when I feel the fear of cancer I remind myself of this truth. When I reached the 3rd year as a cancer survivor I breathed a small sigh of relief.
Then, this year I celebrated my 5th year as a survivor, which is a huge milestone, and breathed a larger sigh! The cancer diagnosis touched my life in a way nothing ever could have. I know God has a plan for my life and allowed me to go through that time as an encouragement to others.
I am now a “Reach to Recovery” volunteer through the American Cancer Society where others can see me as a survivor, a healthy thriving woman, an encouragement that there is light at the end of the tunnel that once seemed so dark and bleak. Kyle is now 16 and depends on his Momma for daily care, I can’t let him down!
Jackson, Tennessee
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