In January 2006, I was feeling very overwhelmed by all that was going on in my life and things I was trying to do. One night was strange – I remember just having this feeling that something was wrong with me but not knowing what it was. This led to me taking a break and stepping down from a few volunteer activities.Then I decided that I should go to the doctor since I couldn’t remember when I had last been there.It ends up that May 2003 was my last physical. Once I made the appointment, I decided to do a self-check. I found a lump in my breast. I have had two before and both turned out to be nothing so I wasn’t too concerned. At my doctor appointment, we decided that I should go in for a mammogram – expecting it to be a cyst and to have it aspirated. From the atypical mammogram experience, to having a biopsy performed, I felt quite sure by the time I left there I had cancer!
The official diagnosis came on February 10, 2006 – my mom’s 81st birthday! She was visiting here in MN, so I was able to tell her face to face. Not exactly my idea of a birthday gift! But, having her here, and the support she could give was just phenomenal.
There is no family history of breast cancer, so this has all been a huge learning experience. I can’t believe all the terminology that I learned in those early months.
Then, my surgery experience began. We started with a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy. There was cancer in one of the two nodes that they took, so they continued with an auxiliary node dissection – removing several lymph nodes from my right underarm. In evaluating the tumor that was removed, they discovered DCIS. Because of that, I would undergo surgery a second time - this time for a right mastectomy.
When this was looked at, they found the DCIS to be extensive, and there was another tumor which had not been seen on the mammogram! Now, I was nervous about my left breast. So, my husband & I, along with my surgeon, decided I would also have a left mastectomy. So, along came surgery number three!
The good news is that nothing more was found. When all was said and done, my diagnosis was DCIS and Stage 2 IDC. As soon as possible after the surgeries, my chemotherapy began. I still had a drain in my side from my last surgery, but we proceeded anyway. I was anxious to get things going!
I experienced extreme nausea with my first treatment, but then we found an anti nausea drug that worked for the next treatments! I had been hoping to return to teaching after I found out how I handled the chemo, but eventually decided against it. I was 40 years old and my children were in 4th and 2nd grade. Any energy that I had available needed to be devoted to them and my husband!
When that decision was made, I went in and talked to my classes to let them know of my decision. I wanted them to know that I would miss them, but that I needed to take care of myself right now! I also found a support group for families dealing with cancer. They had a great program which was such a blessing to my kids! They could go and share their feelings with others going through the same experience. It was a great opportunity for them to discover that they weren’t alone in this process!
Once chemo was complete, my kids and I went to Indiana for our annual visit to my family. We had a great time there, and enjoyed a stop in Chicago on the return home. Once we returned, I began weekly Herceptin treatments to keep the cancer from returning. It is also an IV drug which I received at the same office as I had gotten my chemo. It was different being there each week for Herceptin. I watched other patients come & go – a few ended up hospitalized and eventually dying. Others were there for their initial treatments and still trying to figure out what all of this meant. For me, it just became part of my weekly routine. I would pick up a pizza and a movie on the way home for our Friday Family Movie Night! That is a wonderful tradition that developed out of this whole experience!
I have also been taking Tamoxifen since August 2006. I will take it for five years. I went through “chemopause” and stayed that way. I’ve had to revamp my wardrobe to one of layers to deal with my hot flashes. I’ll be freezing one minute and boiling the next!!
And now, I’m working to make use of the things that I learned during this journey! I am back to teaching part-time this year. I teach Algebra 2 at Mayer Lutheran High School. It is so great to be interacting with the high school students again and sharing my love of math! I also keep busy with my children’s activities and continue with many volunteer opportunities at my church and my children’s school. I still have check-ups every three months. I’ve had a few “scares” as well, but upon further evaluation, nothing has been found.
I’m still updating my Caring Bridge website (http://www.blogger.com/www.caringbridge.org/visit/carolesser)and reading the blogs of other cancer survivors. It’s a strange reality knowing that the only way to be “cured” of breast cancer is to die of something else!
But, I also know that we all have different stresses in our lives to deal with. We can declare them to be too much, lie down, and give up. Or, we can choose to make the best of the good things that we can find in our lives. I never would have chosen to have breast cancer, but I have been amazed at the many blessings and learning and sharing opportunities that I have had because of it. God continues to be faithful in my life, lifting me up as I continue on this journey!
Mayer, Minnesota
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