Wendy's Story

Hi, my name is Wendy, I’m 37 years old and in May, 2008, I received the most shocking news of my life…Breast Cancer. Then in June 2008, the news became even more devastating, Stage IV Breast Cancer. Here is my story:

It all began in April when I found a lump on the side of my left breast. I thought to myself, “There is no way this can be what I think it is”, thus I chose to convince myself that it was nothing and it would go away. It had to. I am in the prime of my life, have a job I adore, the best family in the world and on top of all of that, I am healthy. Other than the occasional sniffle or seasonal allergy flare up, I’ve never been sick a day in my life. There is just no way this is cancer!! Another two weeks passed and the lump…well it was still there but again, it’ll go away – I’m not worried about it. A month passes, the lump is still there. I know I need to see a doctor but I just can’t – I don’t want to know. It wasn’t until one night, my husband, Jerry and I were going to bed and he put his arms around me to tell me good night and he too, felt the lump. I had not told him about it prior to this. “What’s that? That’s not natural” he said. At that moment, I realized I had to go to the doctor. There was no way he was going to allow me to wait another day. The next morning I made the dreaded appointment. I also decided to share my problem with my sister, Kim. We have a promise to each other – no secrets…ever, no matter how bad they might be.

I went to the local Breast Care Specialist, Dr. Henry. This was on Thursday before Memorial Day weekend. With fear in my heart, I walked in and within a few minutes I was undergoing my very first mammogram. Not so bad! The doctor then took me into an exam room, said the mammogram did not show anything but he wanted to do a physical breast exam. Once he felt the area of suspicion, he then decided an Ultrasound was needed. After the Ultrasound, he then advised he wanted to do a biopsy. Despite the fear and anxiety that I’m already feeling about possibly having cancer, I am terrified of needles. It took everything I had to hold it together. I survived the biopsy and was then was told the results would take about 2-3 days but since it was a holiday weekend, they wouldn’t know anything until Tuesday. How am I going to get through the weekend? Unfortunately, over that weekend, my grandfather who is my angel, my hero, suffered a heart attack. All I could think about was him and how I was going to tell him and my family if my results were not good. My family was already going through so much with my grandfather’s illness (heart and lung disease). I didn’t want to add to their worries.

The weekend passed. It was the longest weekend of my life. Tuesday came and the hours went by. I carried my phone with me everywhere waiting for the call. Finally later that afternoon, the phone rang and even though I didn’t want to answer it, I had to. My heart was racing, my body trembling. Dr. Henry spoke and all I heard was “It’s Cancer”. My entire body became numb and tears starting pouring. My employer knew what I had just heard and after lots of hugs from my boss and coworkers, he sent me home. My sister-in-law, Missy, who also works with me, was not about to let me be alone so she drove me home and stayed with me until my husband got there. On the way home, I stopped at my sister’s job to break the news to her. I had to do it in person. She took one look at me and she knew the news was not good. We embraced each other and neither of us wanted to let go. You see, my sister and I are so close that when one of us experiences something good or bad, so does the other one. We cried, we laughed a little and we promised each other that this was just a small bump in the road and we would get through it. I was devastated inside, but all I could think about was making sure my sister didn’t have cancer too….she doesn’t. What a relief. I also knew at this point that I had to at least tell my mom and dad I had cancer. Again, this is something I had to do in person and one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. They were both so supportive and they let me know they would be with me through this, every step of the way. I then decided that no one else could know right now. I had to deal with this myself before I told anyone else. I had no idea when or if I would tell another soul. Depending on my treatment, I may not tell them. I may be able to get through this without anyone else needing to know. There was no way my grandparents could find out. I was scared to death that if I told my grandfather, he would have another heart attack and I just couldn’t take that chance. There is no way I can lose him now. I have to be his rock.

A few days after being diagnosed, I revisited Dr. Henry to go over my options and to get scheduled for more tests – MRI, CT, X-rays and blood work. Oh nooooooo, more needles. Just thinking about needles makes me cry. It was going to be another two weeks before the tests could be done. During the weeks preceding the tests and the week following the tests, I had somewhat come to terms with the fact that I had cancer. It wasn’t going away and I had to deal with it. I had also convinced myself that it had to be early stages of cancer because the lump had not been there very long and I had just had a normal breast exam just a year prior. Dr. Henry had already told me that I would have to have a mastectomy, but you know what….that’s okay. You see, God did not bless me with a large chest – as a matter of fact, I have no chest. I’m going to go get my mastectomy with reconstruction and finally for the first time in my life, I will be able to wear a “big girl bra”. My sister and I even went shopping one weekend and we looked at big girl bras. It was so exciting and we had so much fun. We laughed and we ran around shopping like two teenagers out on our own for the very first time. Even though having cancer is terrible, at that moment I felt that at least something good would come of it and I had accepted the disease.

Finally, the day arrived that I would get the results of my tests and I could move forward with getting this little green monster they call “Cancer” out of my body. My husband and I went in, sat down in Dr. Henry’s office and we could not believe what we were hearing. What else could they tell me, right? Well they managed to give me more bad news. The MRI showed something in my liver and in my sinus cavity. Again, he could not say whether or not it was cancer but another test was needed and he sent me to an oncologist, Dr. Richards. They tell me he is the best. I was devastated – there was just no way. The test had to be wrong. I hoped and prayed it was just a benign cyst in my liver.On Friday, I went to see Dr. Richards. It was on this visit that once again, he gave me even more bad news – my cancer was HER2neu positive, meaning these HER2 cells were attaching them to my cancer, making the cancer more aggressive and making it spread much faster. I just wanted to die at that moment. I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m healthy, I’m strong and you are telling me I’m sick. I’m not sick – I don’t feel sick, I don’t look sick. I’m not sick!! Dr. Richards scheduled me to have a PET scan. It was going to be another few weeks before this scan could be done. You can’t imagine what was going through my head. They were telling me I have a very aggressive, fast moving cancer yet I have to wait another few weeks to get this test? I just wanted them to take the tumors out right then before they could spread anywhere else in my body. I had so many questions and I was just in a complete state of shock. I was still determined that I could not tell anyone else at this time. My husband, myself, my sister, my mom and my dad all had to walk around with big smiles on our face like nothing was happening but deep inside, we were all sharing the deepest, darkest secret of our lives.

I had the PET scan just a few days before I was scheduled to go on vacation. The results would be in while I was on vacation. Do I have them call me while I’m on vacation or do I wait? My husband was encouraging me to wait. Waiting a few extra days is not going to change the results. We can try and have a good time and put all of this behind us for a week or we can find out and if bad news, ruin the entire trip. On the other hand, I’m thinking it’s going to be good news which means we can have a great trip. Before I left, I also knew it was time to tell my grandparents. They deserved to know and I was so scared they would find out from someone other than me. I knew they would be overwhelmed but I also knew by now that I couldn’t hide my disease from them. With the HER2 cancer, I would have to have chemo – there is no other option for treatment. I’m going to lose my hair and probably be sick. I can’t hide this from my grandparents and the rest of our family. I told my grandparents and even though they were upset, they took the news well and were very supportive. I also allowed them to let others in our family know as well. I called my Aunt Diane for some needed support. She is a 10 year survivor of breast cancer and I knew if there was anyone that could talk me through this disease, it would be her. She’s been through it and knowing her story, I knew I could get through it as well. One day I too could be cured forever.

The next day after telling my grandparents, my worst fear happened. Remember when I told you that I didn’t want to tell my grandfather for fear that he would have another heart attack? Well he did. Even though my family assured me that my news was not the cause of his heart attack, no one was going to convince me otherwise. I was so upset. How could I have done this? I should have listened to my heart and not let anyone convince me to tell him. It took several days, but once I knew he was going to be okay, I realized that it wasn’t me that caused his heart attack. He is doing good now and is one of my biggest supporters.

I went on my vacation and had the time of my life. This vacation was spent with my husband, boss and coworkers. My employer takes us on a trip every two years and it was much needed. It was a good way to take my mind off of what was going on for a few days. By the way, I opted not to get my test results until I came home. I had an appointment on Monday after I returned home to visit Dr. Richards.

Myself, my husband and my sister went to Dr. Richards office on that bright, sunny Monday morning. I just knew I was going to get good news. Dr. Richards came in and after a little chit-chat; the words came out of his mouth. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the news is not good. I’m 100% positive that the cancer has metastasized into your liver. I can’t cure your cancer, but I can treat it”. I looked at him and said “I feel like you just gave me my death sentence”. All he could say was “I’m sorry”. I asked him how long I had and he replied that he did not know. He felt he could put me into remission for perhaps a year or two and then from there we would just keep fighting it. The three of us cried our eyes out, sat and listened as Dr. Richards explained my treatment options. I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing – not only do I have breast cancer, but I have HER2neu positive breast cancer and it has metastasized into my liver – Stage IV. We opted to try a new treatment, a new clinical trial that has never been tried in my area. I would be put on Abraxane (chemotherapy medication) and Lapatinib medication to treat the HER2 cells. My treatment would begin immediately. What about my surgery? I wanted to know when they were going to remove the green monsters inside my breast and liver. Then came another blow. Dr. Richards explained that they would not be doing surgery. There was no need to do the surgery right now. He is hoping the treatment will shrink or completely remove the tumors. Now I’m not going to get my big girl bras.

My treatment started and I’m 4 weeks in. One the first day of treatment, I had the port put in and immediately following, I received my first dose of poison. I go once a week for 3 weeks, and then I get a week off. I have a total of 24 treatments to endure. My mom goes with me weekly and sits with me through my treatment. She is my “Chemo Buddy”. Treatment has definitely not been a picnic. After my first treatment, I did become sick, nauseated, tired and anxious. The second week was wonderful. I took my treatment, no nausea, I wasn’t tired – hey, maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all, other than eventually losing my hair. My 3rd week came, I did okay but within a few days, my world started crumbling. I was throwing up, exhausted, I had excruciating pain in my legs, my face was breaking out, I had ulcers in my mouth, etc... This was the beginning of my hell. I couldn’t work; I could hardly get out of bed. I was miserable. The insurance company was not approving much needed medications that Dr. Richards had ordered to treat the nausea and loss of energy. So far it is taking them weeks to approve anything for me and some things are not getting approved because they say there are less expensive medications out there that will work just as well. We have tried those – sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. I just do not have the financial means to purchase these medications out of my own pocket. Some of them are in excess of $300. Dr. Richards continues to be my advocate and fight with the insurance company. After an entire week of feeling lifeless, my husband called the doctor and made me go to the hospital. I went in, Dr. Richards looked at me and said “Oh no – something’s not right”. He told us that so far, I’m the only one on this regime of treatment that has had this many side effects. I think I’ve had every single side effect listed on the warnings. I was severely dehydrated, had a rash all over my body and my mouth still filled with ulcers. I hadn’t eaten in over a week. So far I’ve lost 19 pounds since beginning treatment. I was hurting all over and worst of all; my hair is now starting to thin very bad and very fast. Dr. Richards said I needed to be admitted so I could get IV fluids but I am scared of hospitals and did not want to stay over. He agreed to give me the IV fluids that day but I had to promise to come back the next two days to receive more.

It’s been about a week since I felt so bad and now I am feeling much better. The ulcers are clearing up, my face is still broken out, I still have a rash and my hair continues to thin, but I can eat!!! Oh man, have I wanted to eat but just couldn’t because of the ulcers and everything was just making me nauseated. I feel 5000 times better. Dr. Richards is decreasing my Lapatinib dosage and we will see how that goes. I go for my 4th treatment on July 31.

The next hurdle I had to face was the loss of my hair. I knew going into treatment that this would be the absolute lowest point of my treatment. I had tried to prepare myself in every possible way but until you actually see your hair in clumps in your hand, there is NO way to really prepare yourself mentally. I knew it was time to let it go when I found myself not wanting to shower because I knew it would come out even more. After tons of tears and talking it over with my husband, I decided it was time. It was time to just shave it off and get it over with. My husband decided to take on the task of shaving it for me so that we could deal with it and cry about it in the privacy of our own home. The whole time he was shaving my head he was telling me how beautiful I was. I have the most wonderful husband in the whole wide world. My Aunt Diane was there as well. After it was done, she held me tight and with tears filling her eyes, she told me it would be okay and now we needed to focus on the big picture and beat the cancer. My family and friends have purchased a human hair wig for me. My hairdresser and friend, Kelly, has cut it, styled it and colored it to make it look almost like my natural hair. Without my friends, family and Kelly, there is no way I could get through what I was about to face. With the medical bills starting to roll in, even after insurance has paid, there was no way I could have afforded this hair piece.

I am so grateful. I am going to continue my fight. I’m going to beat this thing. There is no way I’m going to let it beat me. I am a Survivor – To – Be!!! I’ve already survived the hardest part, facing the fact that I have cancer. Though this is a hard lesson in life, it has opened my eyes. I know more than ever that my family and friends are the most important things in life. We take so much for granted everyday. If I have a message for everyone out there, it would be to cherish everything and everyone in your life and as the old saying goes, live every day to the fullest. I would tell those going through what I'm going through to stay strong and keep up your fight. I realize that there is no cure for me (for now), but like the local Cancer Center commercial states – no one has tattooed an expiration date anywhere on my body – I’m a survivor. I will prevail. My life is in God’s hands and he will lead me down the road I’m meant to follow. Everything happens for a reason and even though I don’t know the reason this has happened to me, some day I’ll find out. Maybe it happened to me so I can help someone else someday – I can tell my story as I’m doing today and help someone else get through the trials and tribulations of fighting cancer.

I want to thank my family, my friends and my doctors for being there for me. Dr. Richards has been the most caring, understanding, gentle doctor ever. My family and friends have showered me with thoughts, prayers, cards, gifts, hugs and kisses. I’ve even received gifts and cards from people who have never layed eyes on me. I have realized that there are so many good people in this world. I want to be able to give back the support and love that has been given to me over these last few months. I know the financial burden will soon start weighing on me and my family. I don’t qualify for assistance outside of my insurance. Just 2 months in and the medical bills are starting to get overwhelming but I’m going to keep my chin up and try not to let this get me down anymore. I am worried. I want to make sure my doctors are paid. They deserve it but I can only do what I can do. It may take me 50 years to pay them, but I will. This gift you are giving is amazing. It would certainly help as I continue my journey through fighting cancer.