Kalli's Story

I think any woman diagnosed with breast cancer can clearly recall the day in which they were diagnosed. Each woman can tell you where they were when they received the "news", what the weather was like, who was with them and their first initial thoughts of the road that lay ahead. I am no different. It was July of 2007, and I was enjoying my first full summer of "retirement" with my two children Abigail age 3 and Maxwell age 14 months. The three of us were playing as hard as we could to enjoy mom being home all the time. My husband and I had decided some few months prior that I would quit my job to stay home with our two treasures. This was a big decision considering my job was the job that essentially supported our family. My husband did work, but only part time and was a full time student half way through the rigorous Doctor of Pharmacy program at the University of Utah. We rarely saw him with the demands of school and work, and my quitting my job could possibly mean we would see him even less if he needed to pick up extra hours work, but we both agreed this was the best scenario for our family. We were up for an adventure and were willing to take out a few extra student loans and live a little more meager than we were used to. We were definitely not up for the adventure that awaited us that 17th day of July.

I had gone to my primary care physician worried about a lump I had found in my left breast. The lump seemed to have gotten bigger over the past weeks. My doctor put my mind at ease by explaining it felt like a cyst---probably a milk duct that had not completely cleared out since I had stopped breast feeding some time ago. She ordered a mammogram and ultrasound and explained that the radiologist would be able to drain the cyst there at the exam and I should be able to continue with my summer of retirement. Cancer did not even cross my mind, why should it? I was a healthy 31 year old living out her dream of motherhood.

I was not thrilled to be having my first mammogram at age 31 and felt out of place sitting in the waiting room with several other women twice my age. I think my husband felt even stranger waiting with me. The ultrasound did not show a cyst and the radiologist opted for a needle biopsy. As he left to prepare for the biopsy, I started worrying about cancer and the real possibility I could have it. My thoughts raced and I wondered what we do if that was the case. Who would take care of my two children? Would my husband be able to complete his schooling and excel in the program he had worked 5 long years to get to this point? How would we be able to pay for such treatment? We only had the bare minimum insurance and surely cancer would not be a part of bare minimum insurance! Soon the biopsy was completed and I was sent home by the cold radiologist who said I would have to wait the weekend before hearing about any results. I was to wait three long days to hear whether I had cancer or not. It was excruciating. I had gone from carefree to freak out about the future.

Finally that Monday came and my husband and I were waiting inside the general surgeon’s office I was referred to. Over the last few days I had convinced myself that I could handle whatever was in store. I could overcome cancer! I could have surgery to have the lump removed and then still have plenty of summer left to enjoy with my family. Wrong. The surgeon did not waste time to tell me that I had stage III, estrogen positive breast cancer. My tumor was too big to remove at this time and I would have to start chemotherapy as soon as possible. I was stunned! The surgeon’s stories of hope and dreams of cure were mere mumbles to me. I was still trying to register the words, “you have cancer”.

The next two weeks were filled with CT scans, EKG’s and doctor’s visits in order to prepare for the 8 rounds of chemotherapy that I was to receive. Sometime in the middle of the preparations, I decided to myself that I could do this! I can do hard things and I can do them with a positive attitude. I can do hard things for my children and my hard working husband, and if I did, I would be successful.The first day of chemo was the hardest one of this journey. I was scared of what lie ahead, but I kept telling myself, “I can do hard things”! And I did! I had the full cancer experience while going through chemotherapy which included several hospitalizations and blood transfusions. I lost my hair in one day, but I had all my friends and family rally around me. I was doing hard things, and I was beating cancer. My best days were those when my two kids would climb in bed with me and lay their heads on my shoulders and just smile. It made the hard work towards survival worth it all!

My chemotherapy treatments ended just before Thanksgiving and I was quickly scheduled for a bi-lateral mastectomy the first week of December. I was scared, but ready to face to the next part of this hard journey. I managed to go into surgery with a smile and leave with a bigger smile. I was nearly there! I enjoyed the holidays and then worked up my courage once again to begin 35 treatments of radiation. Another hard part--daily treatment to kill cancer! I could do it! I made great friends and still had wonderful family and friends close by. My husband continued in his schooling and completed the hardest semester of the program with honors. We took out a few loans to make ends meet, but we were beating cancer! The day I finished my radiation, we had a celebration, but the best part of finishing was the feeling of love and accomplishment that I could do hard things! If I could make it this far, then I could do anything! My life can be anything I want it to be. Nothing is too hard!I

am currently undergoing physical therapy to help with the scarring and burning left on my left chest wall after surgery and radiation so that I can undergo reconstructive surgery. It’s really hard work, but again, I know I can do it. I can recover and be ready for whatever it takes to reconstruct and get myself back to feeling like a young mom and woman.

In order to celebrate those men and women who walked across the country to settle the state of Utah, I recently walked with 350 other youth, men and women from our neighborhood 27 miles. We pushed handcarts as our pioneers did and remembered their sacrifices for freedom that we now enjoy. It was really hard work! But I did it. I did with my left arm raised above my head to combat any effects of lymphedema that might occur with the heat and swelling. I hope I was an inspiration to those I went with that they too can do hard things. They can walk 27 hard, hot miles. They can overcome bad habits. They can beat any physical limitation. They can beat cancer and they can find a cure! We all can do hard things. It may not be the hard things that we plan for, but we still can overcome them all. The hard things that I have done and am doing have been the things that have made me a better person. A more determined person to fight for a long life and to live better. I can continue to do hard things and do them with an optimistic outlook. If we all strive to do hard things, we will find a cure to breast cancer. It will be hard, but it will happen.