Kellie May Update

Phew, or P.U. which is how Porter says phew. The results came back the way we were hoping. There was no marker for ovarian cancer. Phew! But then I was told that my estrogen levels were VERY high and I needed to come in for more blood work. What that would possibly mean is that I would have to go off Tamoxifen until the cysts resolved themselves.

This was all going on at the same time Parker was being admitted to Primary Children’s Hospital, this time for RSV. We thought it was going to be a 2 night stay, but he was recovering so well we were able to bring him home after only a night. My mom came down to take care of us all, just a little earlier than she planned to.

She was coming down midweek because I was going out of town for a girl’s weekend in Vegas. Three of us went last year around this time, which was also when I was having appointments and tests to figure out the lump in my breast. There were six of us this time. We had so much fun! We stayed at a great resort and were treated like queens! We shared so many fabulous moments with the greatest group of women. The icing on the cake was hitting the jackpot on the penny slots and winning $1,000! Wow!

The day before I left for Vegas, I had a marathon dental appointment with Dr. Greg Pitts of American Fork. He and his crew donated their services to the Think Pink event. I had my old silver fillings replaced with clear ones, teeth cleaned, and ZOOM whitening. I was there for 5 hours (my choice) and watched 2 movies. It was great and his staff is very warm and accommodating. My teeth look fabulous!

I have my second post chemo appointment on Monday. I try not to think about it too much or worry about the tests they do when I go, but it is in the back of my mind, a lot. I am fearful, but don’t like to dwell on that fear. Overall, in every other area of my life, I’ve become more fearless. Facing my mortality the way I’ve had to over the last year has really made me more aware of the daily opportunities there are to really enjoy, experience, and live life. I am able to be more in the moment, to enjoy the now.

I didn’t realize that people were posting comments on the Think Pink blog until last night. I amazed by the amount of support I receive from not only family and friends, but virtual strangers. I feel so connected and cared for. It gives me strength to know so many people are pulling for me. It helps me keep my head up, keep a smile on my face, and keep my feet moving forward. Thank you!

Kellie May's January Update

I’m scared, and this is why. I had my first regular annual exam with a new gyno recommended to me by my oncology nurse. This was just last Wednesday. It did not go "routinely." She found what she thought was a fibroid in my uterus, and ordered an ultrasound which I had the next day. Leaving the doctor's office, I was flooded with emotion. I cried, for the first time in I can't remember how long. Hearing what I did during the exam made me feel scared, anxious, angry. After my initial meltdown, I returned to work and resumed my regular activities, but felt drained and nervous all night. Thursday night I had a dream that my hair was falling out again, in spiky clumps. I was trying to hide the holes it left and then started looking for my wig. Did I say dream? More like a nightmare.

The ultrasound showed that I didn't have a fibroid in my uterus, but a cyst in my left ovary. This gave me some relief, but I knew the real relief wouldn't come until after I got the full report from the doctor. I was hoping to hear from her today, so I wouldn't have to worry about it all weekend. I did hear from her today, and it wasn't exactly the report I was hoping for, and I'm still left worrying. The cyst is not a simple cyst, it is multi-chambered. Sound familiar? This is very similar to what I was told about the tumor in my breast. Because of my medical history, the doctor wants to be cautious and really check things out. So on Monday I go in for a blood test that will determine if I have the marker for ovarian cancer. Of course, as the doctor says, this is to rule that scenario out. And then I have a follow up ultrasound in 6-8 weeks to make sure that the cyst goes away.

That’s why I’m scared. I don't want to have to go through the what ifs, if I can avoid them. I don't want to have to question my ability to do again what I did last summer. I don't want to have to think about losing more body parts and being incapacitated from chemo treatments. But I can’t help myself. I’m feeling a little lost right now, and weak. I know that I shouldn’t worry unless I have to, but….

In the meantime, life goes on. It always goes on and I hope that it will go on with me in it. Porter turns eight next weekend. We have been and will be preparing for his party. Parker is still tiny, over 17 pounds now, but still in 9-12 month clothing. Clint just got back from Cancun, a “work” trip, and unfortunately had to watch his Patriots lose the Super Bowl. I’m loving work and have the most fantastic student teacher working with me until Spring Break.

I wasn’t planning on the update I just gave. I was going to talk about my hair and how I actually had my first haircut. And that I actually look pretty good with short hair. I’ve received lots of compliments and encouragement to keep it short. I was also going to talk about the expanders in my chest and what it’s like to go to fill ups and how it feels to have Barbie boobs (no nipples). How Brenda and I went to try on bras to figure out what size I’m currently at and what size I want to be. I wanted to tell you how I was finally beginning to feel distance between THEN and NOW.

I definitely won’t wait a month to update you on my current situation. As I know, so will you.