Kellie's April Update

I'm standing on the scale the morning of my most recent surgery, which happened to be last Tuesday. There is a framed story eye level on the wall which can be summed up by the last line which went something like, "10% of life is what happens to you and 90% is how you choose to react." After all that has happened to me, starting with Porter's traumatic birth, I have really come to better understand and appreciate that sentiment. Though things have been happening to me all my life, none have taken on the signifcance and challenge of the events in the last 8 or so years.

Both Clint and I had had similar and different reactions to our sons and their disabilities. Porter's situation was easier for me to accept and manage, Parker's was easier for Clint. I knew that my feelings about Parker were not productive, helpful, or healthy. Luckily they didn't stop me from going through the motions of my motherly duties. I knew too, that my emotions had more to do with having another child with a disability, than they did with Parker himself. It took a good 7-8 months of time for me to wrap my head around and accept that inspite of all the "normal" children that were born to countless friends and family, both of my children would not be "normal."

Parker's first visit to Hogle Zoo was at about 4 months old. I remember sitting on a bench with him, watching family after family, large families here in Utah, with three, five, seven kids walk by, all seemingly healthy and normal, and wondering, "How does that happen?" Well, the answer is it just does. What happens, happens and then you deal with it.

So, just as I was finally getting to a good place with that situation, I was getting a preview to my latest life's lesson, my encounter with breast cancer. It seems that things happened both slowly and all at once. In the initial finding out phase, it was slow going, the results couldn't come in quick enough. Then they weren't conclusive enough, so there was more testing and waiting. After the cancer diagnosis came, then things couldn't move quickly enough. Get it out! Let's get going with the chemo! The faster I'm done the quicker I can get on with normal life! If anything, you would have thought that by now I would know that life is anything but normal.

So here I sit, with my newly reconstructed chest, practically built from scratch (which is what I had before all this started anyway). The implants are definitely softer, but it wouldn't have taken much to be softer than those rock hard tissue expanders. It feels better in a way that I didn't expect. Though I don't think I felt less than, through the removal of my breasts, I certainly feel more whole now. Holding and hugging my children even feels better. As I'm enjoying this recovery, (yes, I do enjoy certain aspects of the recovery process) I'm looking ahead at the next event to happen to me and preparing myself for how I'm going to react to it. I will be having a hysterectomy at the end of the school year/first of summer. So, the summer vacation I thought I'd have will now be altered, as has much of my life anyway. I'll be able to get some more rest in, which as a mother of young children doesn't happen until they're grown, right? I'll be able to enjoy my favorite guilty pleasure, reading. Please send any recommendations my way. I'll get the best nutrition and care from my saintly mother who will once again be caring for me and my family. Honestly, what would we do without mothers!

The Salt Lake Race for the Cure is coming up fast! May 10 is the special date! Hope to see you there! And don't forget about those self breast exams and annual checkups!

Kellie's March Update

Well, it’s been a year; a year since my breast cancer confirmation. A week from tomorrow will be the anniversary of my mastectomy, just 2 days before my birthday. It’s hard to believe all that I’ve been through in a year. There were a lot of ups and downs, but mostly ups. Medicine is amazing, as are all of my doctors. I am so grateful they all decided to pursue careers in the medical field.

Overall things are just great. Porter is making some great progress at school, maybe even gaining on the areas he was behind in. He still loves school, though the girl he has a crush on won’t have anything to do with him. He’s still holding out hope that some day… Porter also started baseball this week. He’s a member of the Bats again and has reunited with his fabulous coach and some former teammates as well as a few new ones. He’s also excited for the change in the weather, which obviously means more opportunities for bike riding.

Parker just started a Baby and Me class at the Development Center. He’s only been to two classes so far, but I think he’s going to like it. He’s still tiny, still less than 20 pounds and wearing 9-12 month sizes, but he’ll get there. Right now we’re trying to get him walking. He does cruise around furniture a bit, but he’s a little resistant when it comes to walking. At least he’s a good eater like his big brother. I’m lucky that my kids pretty much eat anything and prefer healthy foods.

Clint and I are staying busy with work and the boys. But we always try to remember that we work to live, not the other way around. I have thoroughly enjoyed teaching health again. It’s fascinating, fun and applicable. We have also started our estate planning with one of the Think Pink sponsors. It’s not the most pleasant topic, deciding what should happen to your kids in the untimely event of your death, but it’s necessary.

So, overall things are great. Unfortunately, I’m continuing to deal with the stubborn cyst in my left ovary. I’ve had a couple of blood test since the discovery with good results. But the follow up ultrasound shows that there hasn’t been a lot of change. My gynecologist has recommended that I get a second opinion because her opinion is to remove my ovaries. I have an appointment to see a gynecologist/oncologist in a couple of weeks to see what he thinks and then we’ll go from there. My list of doctors just keeps growing, as a family we have at least a dozen. Clint says that he’s tired of them taking his wife’s body parts. I think that it’s amazing that they can do that and leave me functioning, somewhat anyway. If you are at all familiar with the children’s book Parts, and the ones that follow, you’ll know a little of how I’m feeling.

Speaking of doctors, my “exchange” surgery is scheduled for later in April. I’ll be getting my “real” boobs which are supposed to feel much softer than the rocks I have in my chest right now. It wouldn’t take much for them to be softer.

And my hair, I’ve had it cut twice. I love it short and so does everyone else, but I think I’m going to grow it out a little. I want to see what the curl does. Besides, it’s just hair, I can cut it again, grow it out, try a dozen different styles - fun!

I think that’s it for now. Please remember to do your breast self-exams and remind your loved ones also. Thanks for the support, I really do feel it!

Kellie May Update

Phew, or P.U. which is how Porter says phew. The results came back the way we were hoping. There was no marker for ovarian cancer. Phew! But then I was told that my estrogen levels were VERY high and I needed to come in for more blood work. What that would possibly mean is that I would have to go off Tamoxifen until the cysts resolved themselves.

This was all going on at the same time Parker was being admitted to Primary Children’s Hospital, this time for RSV. We thought it was going to be a 2 night stay, but he was recovering so well we were able to bring him home after only a night. My mom came down to take care of us all, just a little earlier than she planned to.

She was coming down midweek because I was going out of town for a girl’s weekend in Vegas. Three of us went last year around this time, which was also when I was having appointments and tests to figure out the lump in my breast. There were six of us this time. We had so much fun! We stayed at a great resort and were treated like queens! We shared so many fabulous moments with the greatest group of women. The icing on the cake was hitting the jackpot on the penny slots and winning $1,000! Wow!

The day before I left for Vegas, I had a marathon dental appointment with Dr. Greg Pitts of American Fork. He and his crew donated their services to the Think Pink event. I had my old silver fillings replaced with clear ones, teeth cleaned, and ZOOM whitening. I was there for 5 hours (my choice) and watched 2 movies. It was great and his staff is very warm and accommodating. My teeth look fabulous!

I have my second post chemo appointment on Monday. I try not to think about it too much or worry about the tests they do when I go, but it is in the back of my mind, a lot. I am fearful, but don’t like to dwell on that fear. Overall, in every other area of my life, I’ve become more fearless. Facing my mortality the way I’ve had to over the last year has really made me more aware of the daily opportunities there are to really enjoy, experience, and live life. I am able to be more in the moment, to enjoy the now.

I didn’t realize that people were posting comments on the Think Pink blog until last night. I amazed by the amount of support I receive from not only family and friends, but virtual strangers. I feel so connected and cared for. It gives me strength to know so many people are pulling for me. It helps me keep my head up, keep a smile on my face, and keep my feet moving forward. Thank you!

Kellie May's January Update

I’m scared, and this is why. I had my first regular annual exam with a new gyno recommended to me by my oncology nurse. This was just last Wednesday. It did not go "routinely." She found what she thought was a fibroid in my uterus, and ordered an ultrasound which I had the next day. Leaving the doctor's office, I was flooded with emotion. I cried, for the first time in I can't remember how long. Hearing what I did during the exam made me feel scared, anxious, angry. After my initial meltdown, I returned to work and resumed my regular activities, but felt drained and nervous all night. Thursday night I had a dream that my hair was falling out again, in spiky clumps. I was trying to hide the holes it left and then started looking for my wig. Did I say dream? More like a nightmare.

The ultrasound showed that I didn't have a fibroid in my uterus, but a cyst in my left ovary. This gave me some relief, but I knew the real relief wouldn't come until after I got the full report from the doctor. I was hoping to hear from her today, so I wouldn't have to worry about it all weekend. I did hear from her today, and it wasn't exactly the report I was hoping for, and I'm still left worrying. The cyst is not a simple cyst, it is multi-chambered. Sound familiar? This is very similar to what I was told about the tumor in my breast. Because of my medical history, the doctor wants to be cautious and really check things out. So on Monday I go in for a blood test that will determine if I have the marker for ovarian cancer. Of course, as the doctor says, this is to rule that scenario out. And then I have a follow up ultrasound in 6-8 weeks to make sure that the cyst goes away.

That’s why I’m scared. I don't want to have to go through the what ifs, if I can avoid them. I don't want to have to question my ability to do again what I did last summer. I don't want to have to think about losing more body parts and being incapacitated from chemo treatments. But I can’t help myself. I’m feeling a little lost right now, and weak. I know that I shouldn’t worry unless I have to, but….

In the meantime, life goes on. It always goes on and I hope that it will go on with me in it. Porter turns eight next weekend. We have been and will be preparing for his party. Parker is still tiny, over 17 pounds now, but still in 9-12 month clothing. Clint just got back from Cancun, a “work” trip, and unfortunately had to watch his Patriots lose the Super Bowl. I’m loving work and have the most fantastic student teacher working with me until Spring Break.

I wasn’t planning on the update I just gave. I was going to talk about my hair and how I actually had my first haircut. And that I actually look pretty good with short hair. I’ve received lots of compliments and encouragement to keep it short. I was also going to talk about the expanders in my chest and what it’s like to go to fill ups and how it feels to have Barbie boobs (no nipples). How Brenda and I went to try on bras to figure out what size I’m currently at and what size I want to be. I wanted to tell you how I was finally beginning to feel distance between THEN and NOW.

I definitely won’t wait a month to update you on my current situation. As I know, so will you.

Kellie May's December Update

Luckily, December didn’t fly by like November did or my four weeks of rest and recuperation would have been entirely too short! But that wasn’t the case. It was the perfect amount of time off from work, time with my family, and time to enjoy the holidays.

So now I’m in the process of reconstruction. I’ve had the surgery to remove the right breast and place expanders on both sides. I’ve been into the surgeon’s office twice to get “fill ups.” I’m just now hitting puberty, which is about where I was before all this started. I’ve been a junior high teacher for years, and when this process is done, I won’t look like I’m in junior high anymore! Ha!

The most difficult thing about the surgery was recovery the week after. I did have a fabulous anesthesiologist who really listened to me and made it so I didn’t throw up multiple times after surgery, which was the case every other time. But recovery was more mentally tough than physically. Not feeling “well” or “normal” brought back the memories and feelings from my summer of chemo. It’s difficult to be down like that, you feel like your body is betraying you. And if I can help it, I don’t want to be sick ever again. I know that’s probably not realistic, but I’m determined not to have any more bad days and being sick is my definition of a bad day. Luckily for me, my mom was here for 3 weeks allowing me the time I needed to get mentally and physically strong. I honestly don’t know what we’d do without her.

My hair is really starting to grow back. It’s not curly, but not totally straight. It’s a little wavy, but it’s still pretty short. If I pull it straight out it’s about 1 ½ inches long. People tell me that I look good with short hair, which I would have never thought or known had it not fallen out from chemo. I don’t think I would have ever cut my hair this short. Now that I’ve been bald, I think that I could probably change my hairstyle all the time. It’s just hair, right? And right now, it reminds me a little of monchichi hair, for those of you that remember what those were.

I am looking forward to a wonderful new year. It’s not that 2007 was all bad, the cancer was the only bad part. The rest of what I got to experience was great! Watching my boys grow and hit milestones. Being loved and supported by my husband. Having family and friends surround me during the difficult and enjoyable times both. It was like being able to get a glimpse of my funeral without having to die.

Cancer doesn’t have to be a death sentence and for most who get it, it’s not. Early detection is the key and for younger women that means breast self examinations, monthly as well as yearly paps and a routine exam by your doctor. A friend just told me about a 17 year old that just found out that she has breast cancer. She’s a junior in high school. Though breast cancer at that age is rare, her mother had it at 28 and her grandmother at 36. So please, do yourself and your loved ones a huge favor and be aware of your body. Remind all the females that you know to do their monthly exams, even if they are getting yearly mammograms.

Until next time, remember that every day is a gift.

Kellie May's November Update

Another surgery day is already here. It felt like November flew by in a week! It’s hard to believe that my special, Cinderella evening was a month ago. I described the event to people like this, “It’s like when you watch Oprah’s Favorite Gifts show, but something like that is actually, unbelievably happening to you!” Our family had such a fantastic time and we are definitely still enjoying the after effects.

I think it’s safe to say that I’ve been spoiled. It will be hard to go to a spa for just one treatment after a day of pampering from La Villa Salon and Spa. And being there with my friend Brenda made the day even better! I am also now addicted to Kneaders Classic Turkey sandwiches and their sugar cookies too! How convenient that there is one not far from our home. Porter now thinks he’s a movie star, and why wouldn’t he? Image Hiker came to our house and filmed us and he can watch us on the internet!

I had my first post-chemo appointment earlier this week. I thought I’d be more anxious than I was, but I was pretty confident that everything would look good considering I’m only three months out. I think that as the follow-ups get farther out the anxiety I feel will increase. I’m not sure that I’ll ever feel total relief.

Tomorrow’s surgery will be the first step towards reconstruction. Following my mastectomy last March, I began thinking about reconstruction and the possibility of removing my other breast. From the beginning I was leaning toward removal. I was hoping that the genetic testing would help me make that decision, but the genetic testing came back inconclusive. It seems that I have a variation that they have never seen before, and though it might not mean anything, they have nothing to compare it against. I will most likely not know the significance of that variation for years, not until they find many more women with the same quirk. So I have gone back and forth with this decision, but in the end I have opted for removal. Now my breasts will look different but at least they’ll be the same as each other.

My mom is back to help for the next few weeks while I recover. My husband calls her an angel from heaven, and she really is. It’s hard to imagine what we would do without her help. I will not be going back to work until next year. It sounds funny to say that. My students now know that I had cancer, I went through chemo, I’m going to be gone to recover from surgery, and the next time they see me, it will probably be without my wig.

I’m so excited for the opportunity to be affiliated with such a great company. We had an opportunity to meet and spend time with some of the wonderful For Every Body employees. My husband has been fortunate enough to work for an incredible homegrown Utah company for over 15 years, so we really appreciate what Becky Anderson has done and is doing, not only here in Utah but across the country as well as internationally. Thank you, every body and every one.

Kellie May - Her Story

Kellie May, our 2007 Think Pink for Life honoree, is an amazing woman. Together with her husband Clint and sons Porter and Parker, she has experienced the great joys and sorrows life can bring. This video is a tribute to her, and an important message to all of us about the power of hope and family. You can watch it here:

http://www.imagehiker.com/Videography/Client/shannon_galloday.html