“The greater difficulty, the more glory in surmounting.”
~ Epicurus, Greek philosopher, BC 341-270
When I was growing up as a young girl I never knew anyone having cancer. I did not know anything about the disease. I only knew that people died from cancer. Little did I know that one day I would also have to face this dreadful disease, Cancer. My doctors are baffled, bewildered, and incredulous from the many cancers that I have had and survived in my lifetime. I am a true cancer survivor.
When I was a twenty-three year old young woman I found a lump in my breast. Fearfully, I quickly went to my doctor and received my original breast cancer diagnosis and had the lump removed. The Dr. told me that everything was fine however, two weeks later I came back for my follow-up check-up and the Dr. explained different, ‘news,’ that all the reports were not in from the labs and indeed there was more cancer. Leaving the office, I was devastated and crying, I drove home in a state of shock and was fortunate enough even that I made it home in that frame of mind.
Telling my parents was heart-breaking: it was horrendous news to deliver and they were so paralyzed they could not speak. My parents were immigrants and did not speak English, immediately they called the priest of our church, who introduced me to Dr. Charles McMahon, a surgeon. After seeing the surgeon, he verified my lab reports and mysteriously could not locate any. Therefore, to make sure, he had new labs done revealing that I needed to have another surgery to remove a wedge from the same place as before, so back to the hospital for another surgery. He had good news though, no cancer. We were all elated; my mother had a delicious dinner prepared along with the loving company of her sister and her family. We were a very close-knit family: with my aunt and her family. Little did we know that my beloved aunt would perish from breast cancer later in life at the age of fifty-four years.
After my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, my dearly loved mother had herself checked as a precaution and unfortunately she also had breast cancer. Luckily, it was removed very early and she did not need any treatments and lived to be almost eighty-one years old. Knowing the above, I was having yearly check-ups and mammograms.
In 1970, I was married to a wonderful man and we have been married for thirty-seven years. We had two great children and now are proud grandparents of four beautiful grandchildren, we were truly enjoying our normal family life.
In 1985 my husband had a heart attack at the age of forty-one. He underwent five bypass surgeries, and post surgeries, continued to have annual check-ups. In 1987, I went in for a mammogram and found that I had cancer in my other breast. A lumpectomy was necessary as it was cancer. After surgery, the Dr. recommended radiation and medications to treat cancer. I thought that was it and I continued working, raising our children, taking care of my husband, my usual activities, etc.
In 1994, during my annual mammogram another lump on my right breast was found: I was crushed, ‘Oh no, not again,’ I sobbed. Tests and procedures ensued and at this point it was standard operating procedure: I had an ultrasound, needle biopsy. I will never forget the specific Dr. who conducted that needle biopsy: he was the worst (quite possibly I was his first patient ever) and I was not encouraged just laying flat on a table with my breast hanging down the small hole: he poked and prodded so many times I screamed in agony. He got me up off the table and wrapped me in a robe and drove me a couple of blocks for another ultrasound and I was horrified yet again at the experience and the results. Trembling, sweating, tears streaming down my face: what heinous treatment and I never went to see that Dr. again. Looking back, I should have reported the Dr., but I was more concerned with my health and removing the cancerous lump. The treatments, radiation, etc. followed and after those I thought I was in the free and clear and continued my normal life.
In 2000, yet again on my annual mammogram I saw the Dr.’s face, by now the expression was a tragically familiar one, it was cancer. The Dr. sternly said, ‘I don’t like what I see,’ we need to do an ultrasound and a needle biopsy as it was certainly cancerous. This time I had to make a big decision: all of my Dr.’s sat me down and put in plain words, ‘You have no other option but to have a double mastectomy.’ The walls came crashing down and I was crying from fear of the cancer, the big surgery and was scared of the way my chest would look post surgery: my breasts, my womanhood. Questions arose: how was I going to face such a big surgery, such a life altering operation? The Dr.’s assured me that this was the best thing to do. I recognized that this was the right thing to do in order to save my life. I had so much to live for: my children, grandchildren and husband to nurture and as well as elderly parents. After consulting with many specialists, going in for second and third opinions, changing Dr.’s and medications, I finally made my decision. I have done it all yet not without the support of my family and friends. My parents supported me in their own way: as religious people, after my father’s stroke he would sit at the end of the couch listening to his favorite folk music and reading prayer books for me daily.
After my mastectomy, I had a very difficult time with the strapping around my chest, it was tedious for me dealing with the loss of my breasts and how this altered my role as a woman and as well as dealing with my numerous bouts of cancer. The Dr.’s found three cancers on one breast and one on the other, I gasped, ‘four, oh my God, was I going to make it? I had to have chemotherapy, radiation, heavy medications. After I had my extenders inserted I kept having problems in my right breast, i.e. staph infections and had to have my extenders removed three times. In addition, my treatment included antibiotics and I still need to go through reconstruction in my right breast.
Also, I just wasn’t doing well at all, this is when my oncologist Dr. Goodman recommended that I take a medication to make me feel better, and suggested Prozac. I had heard that Prozac can make you do many strange things and told Dr. Goodman this and that I may come down to his office and do crazy things which he laughed at and said, ‘I’ll take my chances.’ He assured me as always that it was going to be o.k. Going through chemo was the worst, the thorniest thing I had to do. More than my surgeries and radiation, the chemo annihilated me... I just needed to rest a lot.
In the meantime, I was off of work for quite while yet wanted to return, to which Dr. Goodman replied that I must be crazy. Evidently, crazy and stubborn, I returned to work with no breaks so that I could go home early and sleep. I had a flexible time schedule, which was helpful. I worked for a medical insurance company and did not wish to loose my benefits. Staying occupied was a priority in maintaining my sanity. I never wanted to feel sorry for myself and plenty of people including my coworkers were not aware of my, ‘situation,’ as I was very private. There was an intense amount of, ‘fear’ from the cancers: loosing my hair, constantly being sick, taking showers and witnessing my hair go down the drain, being so fragile and weak, I despised my condition and it was a dark time. I longed to be by myself with the door closed and the drapes drawn, no noises. Simply quiet.
After using all of my sick leave, my coworkers selflessly gifted me with theirs. One day at work, I was wearing a wig and was using the rest room and a coworker looked at me and said, ‘oh you look sick,’ I gazed at her and said, ‘I am very sick.’ The sympathy welled up in her eyes and she gave me a big hug, after that we became good friends and she would bring me flowers once a week placing them on my desk before I arrived at work. What a lovely gesture and a good person.
Despite the support, I continued to feel depressed; I was not responsive to any medications! I knew that my attitude had to change: by accentuating the positive and changing my perception of what my life had become: I began to feel my life turn around. Additionally, with the assistance of a counselor and many sessions with Leah de Roulet, MSW, I was helped with learning how to cope and we continue to be friends to this day.
After the surgery I developed lymphodema in my right arm which was perpetually swollen and continues to be which makes everything difficult and uncomfortable. After a year of physical therapy I am still wearing a, ‘sleeve,’ at all times, it is not convenient being that I am right-handed, yet I try to do my best.
Most of the time during my reoccurrences and recouping from them, I wore a wig, scarf and many hats. I remember after church one morning my little niece said, ‘Aunt Eva I saw your hair move. How did you do that? I replied, ‘I can only do that, it’s magic.’ I continue to do my daily activities and thought that I was done.
This time the Dr.’s found a lump in my throat: thyroid cancer. I had to be hospitalized to have the nuclear medicine treatment: surgery came first (leaving me unable to talk) and then I had to drink the nuclear liquid medication. I had to be isolated, no one could be in the room, everything was covered with plastic saran wrap, even the telephone, etc. After coming home, I had to continue in isolation for a week; not sharing anything with the rest of the family, again, the depression set in, the isolation, as I could not be close with anyone (no touching, no hugs). I was in pain and also felt that I had put my family through so much already: my entire medical issues all over again. They always put my mind at ease though, tenderly saying, ‘that it was o.k. with them and that they still loved me and nothing else mattered.’
In 2002, I was chronically exhausted; I saw my doctor and after lab tests, an ultra sound, cat scans, MRI’s, they said something looked, ‘suspicious,’ and required surgery. This time it was necessary that I have a complete hysterectomy due to my breast cancers. Again, like a broken record, the doctors performed another surgery, this time it was endometriosis cancer. When I awoke from surgery I knew that it was cancer again and I would have to endure strong chemo and radiation. When the girls saw me at the radiation oncology department, they could not believe it, that it was, ‘me again.’ Radiation I could handle but chemo was tough! Chemo was the big one…After eventually feeling better, Dr. Goodman suggested since I have kids to go to the University of Washington and get gene testing done. Thank God for that test as it saved my daughter’s life.
She became pregnant with her first child and soon after the Dr. found a lump in her breast (a mother’s worst nightmare) to see her daughter have cancer especially after just giving birth to a child. I said I would rather have it be me having cancer again than my daughter. This was a trying and painful time of my life. We were in California where they reside off and on for about one year taking care of her and her gorgeous baby boy, who we called, ‘The Miracle Baby.’
My many reoccurrences and experiences with different forms of cancer showed me that it is not easy to write about, to recall the many sad memories. I am a survivor after so many bouts with cancers and would like to help others with my story. I have learned from these experiences: I am a stronger Individual, Mother, Wife, Daughter and Friend and strongly believe that there is someone very special watching over all of us. I am a strong believer in God, I pray each morning and thank Him for all the blessings he has given me.
Currently, I keep myself busy and occupied with my family, favorite people, my children and grandchildren, with reading, going to coffee, lunch, shopping with my best friend, digging in my garden. Also, with my friend’s assistance, we research on the internet about cancer and the latest treatments. I would suggest doing your, ‘homework,’ if you are diagnosed as well as researching your Dr.’s to find someone you are comfortable with (a good fit) and who inspires confidence.
To the women and families facing the disease today, the lessons I have learned going through breast and other cancers and if I were a national spokesperson for surviving breast cancer: One of my catch phrases which brought me through difficult times during my many cancers is, ‘This too shall Pass.’ My hope is that you think positive, is kind to yourself, family & friends, do good things in life and good things will happen to you. Learn how to love, give, forgive, always keep yourself busy whatever that may be, be happy and enjoy life.
Will I have another reoccurrence? I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it. I feel lucky and blessed to be alive even to write and share my story to help others.
What is most significant and important in my life today are: I want my daughter to stay healthy and raise her, ‘Miracle Baby,’ and I want to stay healthy and be with my children and grandchildren to help them in any way that I possibly can. Life is beautiful so enjoy it.
“You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”
~ Epicurus, Greek philosopher, BC 341-270
